November 15th, 2002

The Expanded Case for a "Smash and Grab" with Saddam


"Emperor" Jean Bedel Bokassa:
Tyrant, Torturer, Murderer, Cannibal


Some time ago, I floated the idea of grabbing Saddam Hussein, taking him out of Iraq and putting him on trial for human rights abuses as an alternative to going to war with Iraq.

Such an operation would be pretty tricky. We'd have to get a viable replacement in there as soon as it went off, and neutralize - perhaps also via abduction - any elements in Saddam's government who would be likely to retaliate on his behalf. But it would alleviate us from having to commit to a military operation that would cost thousands of lives, billions of dollars and add to the instability in an already-shaky region just to do something that - quite frankly - should have been done a long time ago.

I'm sure there are those of limited imagination who might deride such a suggestion as unworkable, undoable or just plain nuts. However, recent history gives us an example of how successful a sneaky regime change might be.

Some of you might not remember "Emperor" Jean Bedel Bokassa. It is no great stretch to describe the man as a piece of shit wrapped in human skin. He ruled the Central African Republic from 1966 to 1979, during which time he proved himself to be a torturer, a tyrant, a murderer and a cannibal. The world is really no poorer for his absence.

The Central African Republic was a poor, colonial country - one held by a European nation that shall, for the moment, remain nameless. Bokassa had always held an immense respect and fascination for one of this country's great military figures, and endeared himself to that country by fighting on its behalf during World War II. Thereafter, he served in two other theatres of war for this country, earning two of its prestigious military awards, and he would eventually gain the rank of Captain before retiring in 1964.

Meanwhile, the CAR had gained its independence. Bokassa returned home and became the Army Chief of Staff, serving in an administration run by President David Dacko - Bokassa's own cousin. But it would not be long before Bokassa overthrew Dacko's somewhat inept regime and put himself in charge of the whole show. Enemies were killed outright or thrown into prison to rot, and Dacko had to flee to the former colonizer's capitol to save his own life.

But the former colonizers of the CAR did nothing. They needed the uranium the country possessed and the strategic location it represented. They also appreciated the gifts of diamonds that Bokassa showered them with, along with long, relaxing safaris in the country's game preserves.

Bokassa declared himself marshal and president-for-life in 1972, but that wasn't enough for him. In a ceremony designed to emulate one of the greatest moments in his hero's life - right down to a copy of the throne his hero sat upon - Bokassa crowned himself Emperor in 1977. Foreign dignitaries were in attendance for the lavish, $20 million ceremony - a gala affair whose bill was mostly covered by the country whose hero Bokassa sought to emulate.

(To his credit, then-President Jimmy Carter not only turned down the invitation in disgust, but cut off all US aid to the CAR)

What sort of Emperor was Bokassa? Consider that, some time before the coronation, a number of his political prisoners were selected for "special treatment": released from their cells and given proper food and exercise. Then, just before the coronation, they were slaughtered and butchered, and - in a scene that could have come straight out of a Thomas Harris novel - cooked into expensive dishes to be fed to those dignitaries who attended his coronation.

Then, in 1979, he decided that children in his country should have nice, smart uniforms to wear in school - uniforms that could, of course, be bought from his own clothing factory. But these uniforms were sold at a price not many parents could afford, so he made an example out of up to 200 schoolchildren whose parents chose not to buy the uniforms. The children were rounded up, put into prison and beaten to death, right in front of their loving Emperor, who also helped in their murders. It would later be revealed that he had saved some of their carcasses for food for both himself and his pet alligators.

The mass murder of children was the last straw for Bokassa's European backers. They waited until Bokassa was out of the country - visiting Libya's Quadaffi, of all people. Then, in what was known as Operation Barracuda, rousted David Dacko from bed and sent him back home with an armed escort. With the aid of the elite troops of that country, the CAR was retaken in a "humanitarian" overthrow.

Disgraced, dethroned and sentenced to death in absentia, Bokassa retreated to the Ivory Coast, and then - in what can only be cosmic irony - the slums of his former backers' own country. There, he operated a supply company for safari uniforms for a few years.

He tried to return home in 1987 once Dacko's second reign was overthrown by another home-grown dictator. But he was arrested, retried for his numerous offenses and sentenced to death - a sentence later commuted to 20 years in prison. He left that prison in 1993, moved into a villa, and died of a heart attack in 1996: loathed by many, loved by some, and given a state funeral in spite of it all for all he'd "done" for his country.

So the lesson is clear: a regime change can be accomplished without an outright, bloody invasion. Yes, Iraq is not the Central African Republic, and Emperor Bokassa is not Saddam Hussein. But never let it be said that such an underhanded switch could never work. It has before, and it could do so again.

And if the French - who have turned out to be such pansies as of late - could have been the ones to use their notable Foreign Legion to replace one monstrous leader for another, more reasonable fellow, I see no reason why America's special forces couldn't be more than up to the job.


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